Male Marital Infidelity
The two sources of the problem

nfidelty is a serious problem that has damaged many marriages. God hates divorce [Malachi 2:16] and yet divorce is rampant both inside and outside of the church. In an attempt to curtail this epidemic and to teach moral and spiritual purity, many Christian authors have written on this subject of unfaithfulness and adultery, especially as it pertains to the man. Most of these writings focus on the responsibility of the man to remain morally pure. What this paper will focus upon is the two-fold source of the problem of male marital infidelity in an attempt to more completely cover the topic and to provide every resource possible to a married couple for avoiding the problem of male marital infidelity. While we have limited our discussion to a husband's unfaithfulness, it should be noted that many of these principles could be applied to the problem of a wife's unfaithfulness, however female marital infidelity does have different nuances associated with it.

Problem #1: The husband lacks self-control, spiritual purity and obedience to God's commands
Of the two sources of male infidelity, this is by far the most important and is the main source of the problem of unfaithfulness in a marriage.
A man who lacks self-control is like a city whose walls are broken down [Prov 25:28]. A city with no walls has no good way to defend itself since it is open to attack on all sides. It's warriors cannot fight adequately to defend a city with no walls. Likewise, a man who lacks self-control is open to any attack or temptation, and ultimately, destruction. Self control is a fruit of the Spirit [Galatians 5:22], and is to be taught to young men in the church [Titus 2:6]. Temptations and attacks from satan and the world will abound. Men need to have the spiritual discipline and self control to avoid places and situations where these temptations will abound. Proverbs 7:5-27 is about a "simple young man" who "lacked judgment". He walked near the house of an adulteress. He put himself in a situation where he would be tempted. The Bible says he was "like an ox going to the slaughter". Men need to choose safe situations where they will not see or hear things that would be tempting. Nor should they allow situations to arise where they will be alone with another woman. Deliberately choosing to lead a life with minimal temptations and learning to run from immorality [I Corinthians 6:18] is the heart of self-control.
Spiritual purity recognizes that adultery really starts in the mind. Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28 that lustful looks constitute adultery. A spiritually pure man is not just clean on the outside, avoiding affairs and prostitutes, but he is clean on the inside, having trained his mind to think as Christ thinks. This requires a deep communion and fellowship with Jesus rather than an outward religion. More time with Jesus, and less time soaking in the world's view will help to feed the spirit and to starve the flesh. Men need Jesus more than they need to feast their eyes. Besides, the eyes never have enough of seeing [Ecclesiastes 1:8]. No man, after gazing (or glancing) upon a woman has found the fulfillment that leaves his fleshly desire satisfied. But Jesus satisfies the soul completely. Glances lead to gazes. Gazes lead to fantasies. Fantasies lead to pornography. Pornography leads to personal encounters. Personal encounters lead to affairs. Affairs lead to divorce. Divorce leads to financial and emotional and parental ruin. Jesus leads to Life, Joy, Peace, and Fulfillment. We must choose whether we will feed the flesh or feed the spirit!
Obedience is married to love for God. No one can love God and not obey Him. The Law states in Deuteronomy 11:1; "Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, His decrees, His laws, and His commands always." John the Apostle said, "This is love for God: to obey His commands." [I John 5:3]. Jesus said, "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me." [John 14:21]. God's commands are clear when it comes to adultery. It begins in the mind and eventually is manifest in the man's life. Remaining pure and free of immorality is God's command to us. The Bible clearly says so: "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality."
[I Thessalonians 4:3]. Time and space does not allow us to exhaustively prove the God-given boundaries for sex and passion. These boundaries are solely found in the legal marriage of a man and a woman. No other expression of sexuality is without sin. The man who would love God must obey His command to remain sexually pure.
*Note: This is not to imply that a single glance, or even an adulterous affair forever condemns a man to hell. All sins except the blaspheme of the Holy Spirit are forgivable. And if God can forgive, then a woman should be able to forgive as well. The problem arises when a long-term, chronic conscious habit forms in a man such that he can be called "an adulterer". Willful adultery is also quite dangerous. Remember, "Neither the sexually immoral...nor adulterers...will inherit the kingdom of God." [I Corinthians 6:9-10].
Husbands can do much to improve their marriages in other ways. We have compiled 13 commands for husbands which elucidates the husband's responsibilities to his wife.

Problem #2: The wife does not care for the physical and sexual needs of her husband, leaving him open to temptation from the devil.
Again it should be stated that this second problem is an enabling problem, not the primary problem in male infidelity. But this problem is so neglected in the discussion of unfaithfulness, that it needs to be taught clearly.
We are all aware of the advice to not go to the grocery store on an empty stomach. When we are very hungry, we are likely to buy much more food, especially food that we would normally NOT want to buy! Because of our hunger, we are tempted much easier by the foods in front of us. Similarly, a man who has just finished a large steak and potatoes meal will not be likely to want to go to McDonald's for a hamburger!
Women who constantly deprive their husbands of the sexual and visual needs that they have are leaving them open to temptation from a world that is quick to try to "meet his needs". I Corinthians 7:5 states that couples are NOT to deprive each other except by mutual consent, and then only for a (short) time and only for a time of prayer. Then they are to come together quickly so that satan will not tempt. What wife would ask satan to come and bring intense sexual temptation upon her husband on a daily basis? Most would say that they would not want satan to do that. And yet they invite him to do just that when they deprive their husbands without their consent.
Many women will say, "well I have the right to do what I want with my body." And yet that is not what the Bible states. I Corinthians 7:4 states that the wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. And the wife must fulfill her marital duty to her husband [verse 3]. If the woman's body belongs to the husband, and she must fulfill her duty and never deny him [except if he also approves---which isn't denial, it is mutual consent to abstain], then the wife who does not satisfy her husband sexually is in sin.
A wife should ask her husband how often he would like to have sex. Make sure that he is completely satisfied at home. Likewise, men have visual needs. Expose yourself to your husband in erotic ways and ensure that anytime a desire wells up in him to view you, that you do not resist. Remember that your body does not belong only to you. Remember that the wife must be subject to the husband [Titus 2:5]. This may seem difficult, but women will be like Sarah if they obey their husbands and do not give way to fear [I Peter 3:6].
Although we have concentrated on a wife's sexual responsibilities to her husband, there are other duties that the wife owes to her husband. She must be respectful of him, obedient, and submissive [Titus 2:4, Ephesians 5:22-24,33; I Peter 3:1-6]. Many husbands have been tempted away from their wives, not sexually, but by a woman who admires, respects, and honors him.
Watch your marriage blossom and your love for your husband grow as you put these Biblical principles into action!

Summary:
The problem of male infidelity is complex and yet it is simple. Many factors seem to entice or lead to this sin, but in the end it is just sin. No man is left without the ability to run from this sin. No man is a prisoner to it if he runs to Jesus. But if we are wise, we will do all we can to make the avoidance of this sin easier. It isn't wise to test ourselves to see how well we can avoid this sin. Men shouldn't drive through the parking lots of strip clubs daily anymore than their wives should deny them sex regularly. If we want to see our marriages flourish and our love grow we will seek out all the Biblical passages that deal with husbands, wives and marriages that we can and put them into practice.

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